living memory

I am here to take part In the bang your own drum circle where we make our own rhythms that transform from cacophony to symphony We start to play off each other Listening Listening Finding what is not there That is ours to contribute to the beautiful noise We are all making with each heartbeat

I: Prelude with Response I wait I am an idiot For a text that doesn't come I am an idiot For a man to love me I am an idiot For a man to love I am an idiot I have everything I am an idiot I have nothing I am an idiot Alone I am an idiot In a crowd I am an idiot Fingers ready to create the world I am an idiot That God speaks through me But I am an idiot I don't do I don't listen I don't see I seek my own way not His I turn my back on Him I am an idiot Destined to be dust Forgotten by even the wind. II: Verse Moderate success I am a real person. I don't pretend to be perfect anymore. I drink beer, smoke cigarettes. I can ride a horse. I have four children and a husband. I live alone. I have written fourteen books and sold maybe fourteen copies I know some Spanish French and Italian But can't carry on a meaningful conversation in any of them I've never had my own kitchen I give until I have nothing Empty Of all except the past. I get up and follow my routine I craft words into stories from ideas And hope that is enough to stay alive But all writers are dead and all readers are alive And nothing can save us from being ourselves. III: Bridge Hometown Sacramento Drive and drive Get nowhere IV: Chorus I was almost tough and weak enough to take it Every time I was happy being knocked down But then I earned that smile From a tough old stranger And decided I didn't want to be hurt anymore, That I was strong enough to leave.

No one made her come out except me Reaction to stress perhaps The digging up, excavation of the memory Interesting Yes Sophy said that at lunch just a few days after the excavation He is avoiding me: I am avoiding myself So I dug around in deep memory Maybe Tuesday or Wednesday And Sunday she said that And by Monday she was Out Vodka