©2025 Lisa Maraventano. All rights reserved.
Entropy
Volume One
Lisa Maraventano
To Amanda Crumley
Contents
I. Delta S Equals
1.The Deal at the Crossroads
2. Sculpted Clay
3. Saturday Morning
4. The Love of a Comet
5. Candid
6. Q & A
7. Ten Centimeters
8. Everyone’s Here
9. Reflections
10. Shavasana
11. They all wanted to make me
12. Silence
13. Almost a Poem
14. Already Home
15. Entertain Me, World
16. Equilibrium
17. I miss you when you’re gone
18. The Fear
19. Don’t Ruin Christmas
20. Vestal
21. August is a Yellow Month
22. Tomorrow
23. Coke and Smoke
24. Return to Rome
25. Little Bird
26. Io Stesso
II. Heat Exchanged
27. Until This Fire
28. It Became Simple
29. Refined
30. Rug
31. The Silence of Words
32. If we made love
33. Lost Monarch
34. Playground
35. There is no flood
36. La Coquette
37. One Day
38. Papa
39. Mi Vida
40. Three Lines of Truth
41. Mosaic
42. My Children
43. Goldilocks
44. The Wisdom of the Age
45. No Title
46. The Kiss
47. Chicken Running
48. Write, he said
49. Folie à deux
50. Retirement
51. Salt
52. Things Hold Together
53. Diversification
III. Divided by Temperature
54. The Soul to Save
55. I Shall Not Want
56. So Tutto
57. Return to Innocence
58. Pecan Leaves
59. Space
60. I love it here
61. All Saints
62. Bluesberry Back Alley
63. Waiting
64. I would keep you
65. Oz
66. From the Mountaintop
67. Sic Transit Gloria Mundi
68. For All The Things
69. Today’s Poem
70. Before Noon
71. Love Words
72. Gratitude Attitude
73. If Hope
74. Up! The New Day
75. Where the crazy people go
76. Madidi
77. Someone I love
78. Solstice
79. He
80. Until You Realize
81. Left on Read
82. End of the Year
I. Delta S Equals
1. The Deal at the Crossroads
Do you know
The legend of the crossroads?
Two highways, forty-nine and sixty-one
One goes to Arkansas
One goes to New Orleans
This crossroads is where
A man is said to have
Sold his soul in order
To master his instrument
He sang the blues
I came to this place
When I was forty-nine
And have lingered at
The crossroads
For three years now
I’m setting up house here
Planting a garden
I believe in the devil, but
I follow the Son
Who redeemed my soul
I’ve been to New Orleans
I’ve been to Arkansas
Both have pieces of my life
So I’ve come to the crossroads
Backtracked to this intersection
In the heart of the Delta
I found my way
I found my way without you
The one to whom I gave my heart
And I will settle in
Like I was told
In my favorite book,
A satire—
No surprise there
I will tend my own garden
Master my instrument
Stop wearing out my shoes
Looking for something
On lonely roads
Wait for the devil
Wait for the Son
Watching and waiting
See who wanders
on down the highway
See who else
Has holes in their shoes
2. Sculpted Clay
Pulled from the earth
Formed
Two legs two arms two eyes
What is a man
But sculpted clay?
And then the Spirit comes
Animates
Heart and soul and mind
Sets a man on his feet
And says “Live.”
This sculpted clay
Living statue
Pounds down the earth
With his clay feet
Trodding heavily on that which
He came from, no regard
No regard
Not thinking to step lightly
Not thinking his heavy footsteps
Are felt
Are felt, every one
While heart and soul and mind
Struggle with self-awareness
Identity and purpose
Careening madly,
Animated corpse,
Ricochet, reaction
No set course.
And so it goes.
Pulled from his side, set at his side
The mirror, the counterpart
Complementary piece
Reflecting iniquity
In beauty and sorrow
Joy and passion
Saying here too,
Here too
Step here, you clay-footed fool
We are here to
Tread lightly
We are here to
Transmute clay
To join back into each other
Sink back into the earth.
3. Saturday Morning
I don’t know if I have valor
But I do have bread
And a bread box
And a bread knife
And a cutting board
And a toaster
And butter
I even have honey
If I want something sweet
I have a small plate
From my grandmother’s china set
And a silver butter knife
With scalloped edge, heavy
I am ready for breakfast
I am ready to start
Another day
With courage,
Honor, and discipline
Strength of mind and spirit.
The sunlight is coming over
The neighbor’s fence into my yard
The birds are awake, the dog is
Waiting for crumbs
And I will eat, and be satisfied
I will give thanks for this bread
This day, this chance
To prove my worth, your worth
In battle or in peace.
4. The Love of a Comet
Should I have jumped in
The river that day?
How cold would it have been?
Colder than I am now?
I have followed the flow of this life
The current of time
And am still filled with water
I did not drown
But I am drowning
I did not jump
But I am falling
Cold and icy,
November comet
Seen by the naked eye
Frozen river of stardust
So distant,
As close as it will ever be
The orbit prescribed
Impossible to alter
5. Candid
I remember walking by the river
Wanting to jump so badly
I had to take myself away
The hardest walk I ever took
Past Portico d’Ottavia
It was raining
I hid out under an ancient stone
And smoked a cigarette
I walked across
Piazza Venezia, listening
To Back in Black
I made it to my house
From ancient days
Looked toward the forum
Looked toward the hill
From whence my help comes
Mine eyes have seen the glory
The radiance of glory
Every day, every morning
New
The sun shines on this patch of earth
My garden, my own little garden
I tend with vigor
Believing the words I read
So long ago
Believing in this best of all possible worlds
Even as I know he was poking fun
At such an impossible philosophy
So move me from my blue chair, Spirit
Move me this gray morning
Into the sun, into the everlasting
Light,
Into this new day.
6. Q & A
What’s gonna happen?
What will my life be?
That’s what I remember thinking
When I was a teenager
Now I know.
I did everything
Not exactly how I wanted
But I did a lot, lived fully
In my fifties
I can look through the lens of time
And see forty years ago
Thirty, twenty, ten
Yesterday is out of focus
Tomorrow is too but
Today I can see
The spiral of years clearly
Yes, my daughter, now you know
Do everything, the Spirit says
Live while you’re alive
Soon enough the story ends
Soon enough you will come home.
7. Ten Centimeters
I judged too harshly
I judged something
that has no verdict
Pietà, Mary
The broken body, the tears
The sorrow
My soul magnifies the Lord
And so it goes,
This grand pageant
Portal from some other place,
The right place. The one
We search for
This whole long journey
Until we go home again
The origin of the world,
Musée d’Orsay. Look it up
If you wish, And discover
that some things never change
And so I judged too harshly
Until I too learned
What it meant
To break open, liquid
And yet try to remain solid
To stand firm, to yield
To exhaust oneself
In the pouring out
To return to still waters
It is a privilege
Not a right
And to do it right
Is impossible. But
To do your best
In every moment
Is the only thing
Possible. Never enough,
judged too harshly,
something that
Has no verdict.
We are here, and that’s enough
Well-done, my good and faithful servant
Enter into my rest
Leave judgment behind
Let me be the judge
Of your efforts
Let me break open the waters
Pour back into you
With living water
All that flowed from you
Milk and honey
Blood and pain
Love and constant loss
As time took from you
Each day. But they are safe—
Your days—recorded.
Listen to them
Hear your daughter’s voice,
Hear your mother calling you.
8. Everyone’s Here
Everyone’s here
On a Monday night
At a bar called BJ’s in the ninth ward
To share their stories
Maybe a little drunk
A little stoned, a little lonely really
Where’re you from?
Where’re you going?
We’re all here this lovely, lonely night
Enlivened by alcohol
That potent elixir containing
Magic and danger
Come dance, come dance and sing
Tell yourselves, tell your stories
We are all living side by side
I once believed
“We live, as we dream alone,”
But now I see that is false teaching.
Tonight we are connected by music
Not alone, never alone
The music winds through us all.
9. Reflections
Burning bridges in a small town
Is unwise
Yet I piss people off
Just by being myself
I don’t think it is really me, but them
What they see in the looking glass
Their own issues and insecurities revealed
When they encounter a free spirit
Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m anathema
But I come home to my garden
I know who I am
And my place in this wild world
I saw they built a portal
Between Dublin and New York
The future, the present, a magic mirror
And we’re all really the same
Free spirits, bound in flesh
Making our way
Step by painful step
Here to find our way back home
We signed up for this pilgrimage
We thought we could handle the adventure
But it is a steep and narrow path, my friends
Filled with bridges over deep chasms
We should not burn them in sabotage
This is not warfare after all
Only a battle with ourselves
To become unconditional love
Free our spirits while remaining in flesh
Incarnate, as we chose to be
Alive
Free from fear, full of glory
Reflecting light
Into each other’s shadows
10. Shavasana
One tear slid this way
While I was flat on my back
After strenuous practice
One tear slid that way
Two opposite paths,
One tear this way, one that way
Both heading to the same place
Pulled by gravity
Force of nature
and the arc
The natural shape
That set their trajectory,
Determined their course
One tear this way, one that way
11. They all wanted to make me
They all wanted to make me
Into someone
I wasn’t
And I wanted to make me into
Who I am
They loved me and meant well
I hope they’re happy for me
That I’m happy
For the most part
And miss them
Spending their time with me
12. Silence
Global cacophony
Such a loud world
How does someone find
Peace and stillness and silence
Does anyone even want that
We seem to love the constant noise
Of a busy busy world
Distracting us from anything real
This is the matrix
The program
Run
Run
Run
Little avatars
Pac-Man and ghosts
So
You hit the wall
Are devoured, destroyed
In the silence of the in between
Before the next level starts
Listen
13. Almost a Poem
I love
When the earth is silent of all
Her manmade noise
What machine first rent the air?
I think about men a lot
And sex
Just how I’m made
I guess, like Jessica Rabbit
There was one I
Almost cared about
Blue eyes
Otherwise
my heart and soul
are owned by one
Body time and mind too free
This morning it is quiet
Reminding me—
Another chance at redemption
Already lost
14. Already Home
There is sky everywhere
Wind
Smoke
Sun, water
Flowers
Ink, paper
There is sky everywhere
And I am already home
15. Entertain me, World
I still haven’t fully accepted
Myself
Still programmed
by the matrix
Of course
An artist
Can lie around on a Sunday afternoon
Wearing a caftan and a big straw hat
In a hammock under the pecan tree
Chatting with a friend in Italy
About heartbreak violence and loss
I can recognize that.
I need to recognize myself
In this scene of the play.
I can follow you
Into the madness
Or is it you following me
Off the gridded map
Into wilderness to be
Tried and tempted
Testing the genuineness
Of our faith
The new preacher said today
Believe is the verb of faith
I like that
In Italian credere to believe
Is used interchangeably with
Think, in fact more often
I am restless and bored
Wanting something to distract me from
Myself
The changes I
And I alone must make
To see the results,
The desired outcome
Salvation
It isn’t only losing a few pounds
Or quitting smoking
Getting my website up and
Running again
All of my endless to do list
This outcome
This desired outcome
Salvation
Isn’t only my mansion in glory
Streets of gold
The crystal river
This is about
This whole thing not having been
A big waste of time
To have truly learned, lived
Well
To have truly learned the
Lessons of life
To know real love
Is more than
More than
More than
The kiss at the altar
Any sort of ever after
Or any sacrifice
Real love
Is turning over the compost heap
Of our hearts
Decomposition is part
Of the design
Real love is why we’re here.
Not entertainment. Not to be
Entertained.
16. Equilibrium
There’s a very thin line
On which to balance
My depression and anxiety
It is the width of a cigarette.
I tried to quit.
I did quit for a few days
And then lost my mind
It sounds silly
But it was scary
Not something I want
To ever go through again
I found help
In the shape of my friend
Who disparages his shape
But I love
Every inch of his imposing size
Which contains a good heart
And houses a beautiful soul
It is Sunday morning now
With requisite birdsong
And gentle sunshine
Creeping over the
Neighbor’s fence
The heat will be brutal later
But right now that doesn’t matter
And my other neighbor lets me
Swim in his pool
So I know I will survive
If I can just manage
To stay balanced.
I need medication
But I don’t know how to get
On the right stuff
To straighten out my brain
I don’t have the strength
To endure the wrong stuff
So I light up a cigarette
Watch the neighbor’s cat resting
On the roof of my car
Drink my coffee,
Try not to regret
My weaknesses
Try to accept
My fate.
17. I miss you when you’re gone
I know there are better friends
And more beautiful people
The other places you go
And always the loveliest wife
And I am lucky, so lucky
To have met you
You came to the rescue
Like a knight in shining armor
Who threw great parties and
Let me swim at your house.
You come and go
Off on other adventures
As you should
Like any knight
Having saved us here from
Whatever peril that threatened
Mainly boredom, but
That’s not fatal
In some instances
That is called peace
The static charge around you is
Energizing electric to us all
But we are made of weaker material
More fragile, less durable
And need a little
Grounding
From time
To time.
But still—
I miss you when you’re gone
18. The Fear
Sometimes I forget how brilliant I am
(So are you)
Sometimes I forget I have all of the power of
The Universe inside me
(So do you)
Sometimes I am a weak and distracted human
(So are you)
Sometimes I feel sorry for myself and the world and you, plural
(So do you)
Sometimes I eat and drink too much
Sleep to escape into dreams
Wallow in misery
Cower in fear
Believe the lies
Hide from the truth, especially my own truth—
My flaws and insecurities and guilt
(So do you)
But then other times
Other times
We remember.
Who we really are.
More than conquerors.
Now must be that time.
The other time.
Remember.
Your brilliance and power
Your strength and honor
Your courage and resilience
We must remember
This is who we are.
19. Don’t Ruin Christmas
Don’t ruin Christmas
By sadness
That Christmas will soon be over
Enjoy each moment
Of Christmas Day
It is Christmas
In July
I’m by the pool
Eating a twelve dollar loaf of
Sourdough bread
And peach and pepper jelly
My friend Layla gave me
Van Morrison is singing to me
About Tupelo Honey
And I’m going to Celia’s
To play mahjong later
I’m scared out of my wits
About the state of the world
But today is Christmas
I feel
The wind blowing
And I will master myself
Because I know my Master
The Mighty One
Who saves
I will enjoy
The gifts of this day
20. Vestal
I keep the sacred fire burning
And every day I bring the light
For that empty darkness inside you
This torch, my flame
Is sacred
Lit from the Divine
And you dark general
With the battlefields you carry
Withdraw, Retreat
Behind your wall
Stone monument in memory
Of the war you made
Severance, massacres
Are called your triumphs
While I tend this hearth
This eternal fire
To preserve what glory
Is our Rome
21. August is a yellow month
August is a yellow month
I never thought much of yellow
Until one day
When a girl I loved said
It was her favorite color
Then I started to notice
Notice all the yellow
The joy and promise it brings
The light and lightness
And August is my favorite month
Even though it is hot
And that is all anyone talks about
The heat
That gold sun breaking us down
To the essential
To whatever is essential
To survive
So I live this yellow month
Love this yellow month
with its heat and joy and light
Sweat it all through
And out
Down to my essence
Up to the sun
22. Tomorrow
Tomorrow
I go to the church of the water
With my lover the sky
And our babies
The clouds
I watch like a mother
Like the mother of water and air
But I am earth
And earth I shall remain
All these glorious days
My spirit animates
This flesh
I am air and earth and water
Fire too
All the elements poured
Into this little container
I try to manage
Day by day, moment by moment
Feed her, care for her
Like my child too
Take her out
For fine dining
And recreation
I love her, this me I am
This story
She is fun
A fun ride like a pony
Like a roller coaster
Now my dish is here
And I shall eat
Feed this creature
I am
Feed on light and water
Earth and fire
So I can see
What happens tomorrow
23. Coke and Smoke
Maybe this is true
This moment it is true
Coke and smoke
Carbonara
A change in weather
Words and music
What else is there
Except to chase love around
And in turn be chased
Myths
Satyrs and nymphs
Forest glades, bacchanalia
Still true
That’s all we do
Maybe someone
Somewhere
Suffers grinds
Grieves succeeds
At finding more to
This journey
Than love wine and music
Maybe those that accomplish
Great feats, the athletes and the
Businessmen
Bridge builders surgeons
Astronauts
Feel something different
Maybe childbirth and death
River rafting and skydiving
Football games and battlefields
Are important
But what is done after?
Love wine and music
So I don’t think so
I think we all feel the same
If we let ourselves feel
Love wine and music
A Coke and a smoke
Carbonara
A few words
And maybe someone
Speaking to you
A few moments
Another day
Love wine and music
Nothing else is worth
All the trouble
24. Return to Rome
Old lovers, new shades
A good day so far
If any of it is true
It is all true
I stopped to drop off
My luggage with Grace
The hotelier, my friend
Two old Chinese people
Were in my hotel room—
Well,
It was their hotel room until eleven
And I take over at three
They seemed grouchy
Or at least the lady did
But three hours later
I’m sitting here getting my hair done
Thinking of all the shit they’ve seen
Eight decades of Chinese history
If a day
And now they are in Rome
Maybe for the first time
And it can be overwhelming
And chaotic, even for a Roman
(Although a Roman would not admit that)
Think of all the shit they’ve seen
That old Chinese couple in Rome
And all that Rome has seen
Who can understand
The enormity, complexity of this world
This life?
Not one of us, that’s certain
Not one
So I ride the Via del Corso
And drive past my old house
Here again, here again
No reason why
Except the wind desired it
Old lovers, new shades
Except time
Has other plans for me
Than my own
25. Little Bird
I’m tired
Of waking up every day
With my song
My rumore in Italian
Little bird
And every day
The darkness comes
The shadow
That sends me to roost
Little bird
I wake up every day
Ready to sing
Singing
Flitting here and there
Little bird
My head a feather brain
My heart full
Little bird
On roof ridge
And power line
Tree branch
And wire
Little bird
Perching here and there
Singing my heart out
Morning chorus
Wherever I land
Little bird
I’m tired of the shadow
Falling on me
And trying to
Sing in the dark
Little bird
It doesn’t work
I’m no nightingale
Little bird
I gather up
Moss and twigs
Make my little nest
Settle in, proud, simply a
Little bird
A sparrow
With brown feathers
And modest dreams
And a nest I made
Little bird
Tired of fighting
The shadows
With a song
Of my own composition
Little bird
Tired of waiting for the day
That doesn’t end in darkness
26. Io Stesso
Today’s the day
This day
The twenty-fourth of July
And I have found
My future partner
As was foretold
It is me
It was always me
“Selfish bitch”
“Blatant selfishness”
And to that
I say “poo.”
I deserve
This glass of champagne
At the Plaza
And some perfume
From Sak’s
Why not?
The luxuries are few
These days
I will be poor
Am poor
I will sacrifice
Am sacrifice
To all the ones
Who wish to
Take from me
Burn me up on
Love’s cruel pyre
And so
And so
Hurl your
Accusations
Like acid
Burn me up
Little ole me
No mean bone in my body
Irma said
And she is wise
And trustworthy
There is however
Just the tiniest
Flicker
Spark
Of realization
That it is I
I myself
Io stesso
That should walk
Through this fire
Rise
Again
From ash
Free as a bird
Free as a bird
Free
From
All
That tried to cage me,
Or chain me to them
To bind and break me
I found my way
On my own.
II. Heat Exchanged
27. Until This Fire is Quenched
Until the fire is quenched
And all is ash
Not one spark or ember
Remains to burn
Until the fire is quenched
Sacred fire, tended through time
Vestal-guarded, sacred fire
Eternal city, flame bright
Until the fire is quenched
There is no other choice
But to let it burn
Let it burn, this fire
28. It Became Simple
It became simple
My options reduced down to one
One option
To stay
By my friend
And so I wait
In a sunny courtyard
At the hospital in Montpellier
But there’s enough shade
To stay cool
And there are reminders
Everywhere
To be grateful
And so I am
Uninjured
In any physical way
In this hospital
I’ve seen more wounded
People here
Bandaged bruised broken
Than ever before in my life
The wounds that show
And know
This is how
We all walk around
Inside
So I shall stay grateful
The one option
Open to me
And if I’m very lucky
Or diligent, or both
I will remember this time
In August
Remember all human hearts
Are injured
And I shall show love
In every encounter
29. Refined
Everything about me is corrupt
Corrupted by sin
Darkness
And yet
There is something pure
Something pure
Inside
I can’t really name it
Faith?
But I know it’s there
Shining
And so I hold on
To whatever it is
Ignoring my corruption
Knowing that the pure thing
Is all that really matters.
The rest is dross.
30. Rug
Sometimes
You’re standing there
On the rug
It’s frayed and a little dirty
You’ve had it
A long time
You vacuum it regularly
And steam clean it sometimes
It’s just a rug
Not expensive
But it’s
Yours
You’re standing there on the rug
Thinking about cleaning the
Ceiling fan
Or paying the bills
Washing the dog or dishes or car
And then the phone rings
And that rug is ripped
Ripped right out from under you
You hurl through space
Falling, falling
And land, shattered
Shattered into a million pieces
The words can’t be unheard
There is no going back
To standing on that rug
Considering cobwebs
Considering buying a new rug.
31. The Silence of Words
I like the silence of words
The written word
They are so quiet and polite
Waiting their turn
They sit there on the page
Not demanding anything
Nor anyone’s attention
Written and read in silence
The only sounds now
The last drops of rain
Wind, and crickets
This night in late September
The silence of these words
Counterpoint to all the noise of the world
That drives men and women mad
That drives people
To do criminal things to one another
Which leave us all ashamed
And heartbroken
I will keep
The silence of these words
I will keep quiet
And listen
32. If we made love
If we made love
As we should
Make love into this world
Your hips would be
Between my thighs
Legs long in line
Against the silken sheets
My legs wrapped around yours
The feel of your hairy chest against
My smooth skin
To feel you inside
Inside me
And you at home
I am your home
Hands by my ears
Fingers locked with yours
And then the best part
Or second best
Looking in our eyes
Seeing the cosmic joke
And how we would smile
And laugh
Until you couldn’t take anymore
And had to kiss me
Feeling the perfect duality of
Kiss
And sex
Moving inside me
Slow
And having my orgasms
Wet
And then finally
time
Time for that seed you carry
Filled with the energy of life
To explode out of you
Into my body
Too late to make new life
But we can make love
Make love into this world
33. Lost Monarch
Lost monarch butterfly
Doesn’t care where she wanders
Just going
This way, that way
Wherever the wind blows
And guess what?
She’s fine.
Maybe she won’t make it to Mexico
Or tomorrow
But she’s here today
In Clarksdale, Mississippi
While Frenchie and Stan and Cricket play
Tulsa Time
And Andy is giving me Abitas
And the sun is still hot in October
Cindy and Ray Cashman just got here
To Hambone, the Hopeless Case Bar
On East Second Street
This Saturday afternoon
After working on their house
And there is a wedding tonight
To celebrate
All the things we go through
In this sacred place
Life and death
All the hours
All the days
That make up our journey
Through time and space
All the moments
That keep us alive
All on wings
We never see
34. Playground
There was a time
I believed
Everything I was told
I will love you forever
It will all work out
You can do anything
You set your mind to
I lived each day
With these core tenets
And spent my strength
To get the merry go round
Spinning
I jumped on
Went for the ride
Round and round
So fast, world out of focus
Holding on to the bars
Laughing with those
Riding with me
But then I slipped
And fell off
Landing hard
And all the lies I was told
Shattered at the impact
And there I was
Sprawled out
A little bruised
Wind knocked out of me
When I could breathe again
The merry go round
Had disappeared
Vanished
Taking the people
And all the little pieces
Of the lies with it
I sat up
Looked around
Alone
There was no one
And nothing
Except me
And an empty field
And the chance to
Believe something new
Things I told myself
Things I knew to be true
Before I believed them
35. There is no flood
Sodden morning in September
After the remnants of the hurricane
Passed through yesterday
It is Friday I think
A Friday in September
I have lost track of time
Friday the 13th actually
Should I stay in bed?
Too late, I’m already up
Digging deep in memory
Piecing together the shards
I find
Trying to make sense
Of senseless
Things
My family, my past
My actions, my future
It is not all about me though
Very little of it is
This world this life
Is very little about me
But I’m here in this skin
This wet cool morning
In my kitchen with words
That want to be written
And maybe, just maybe
Part of this gift
Is the trust that I can do it well
Tell the truth enough
That is speaks to another hurt soul
Hold back enough
To not hurt someone else
And the thing is
This soil is the same
Filled with water
From so much rain
But still earth
And cannot be changed
36. La Coquette
The world is getting younger
But I don’t see anything new
Adidas Topsiders Keds
Espadrilles Converse
Jumpsuits and tube tops
Piercings and tats
The facial hair
Burt Reynolds Tom Selleck mustache
Was passé for a while
Baggy pants, midriffs
Androgyny queerness
I’ve seen this all before but now I’m the anomaly
Old lady
Granny, abuela
I don’t want to tell
these young folks a damn thing
Let them live live hard
Maybe life won’t be hard for them
And they can wear their chinos and Birks
Peacefully all their days
It’s all new to them
These discoveries
The blues and bodysuits
My jaded perception
Only ages me further
Let them be, let them be
Turn of generation
room full of people, no phones out
Just alcohol sunflower seeds and one dude with a guitar
in a cave in Madrid
They look almost happy this crowd
Discovering the simple pleasures
Of being alive
37. One Day
I went
Into the void
Without you
One whole day
That seemed a life
Time of emptiness
I wrote plans and did them
Or will do them another day
And all will be well
On paper
But damn it was lonely
Without you
There in that void
Too much space
To fill with empty words
38. Papa
I tried
Señor
To please you
To follow in your footsteps
Invisible and ever present
To live
As you did
With a different end
In bed, quiet
Perhaps I’ll succeed
Papa
Thank you
For showing me
What is almost
Possible
39. Mi Vida
This is how I live
Fine men, good coffee
Cava before noon
Carriages and poetry
Flowers and music
Sunshine and cold water
Swimming, swimming
This is how I love
Fiercely, completely
Coming before noon
Conversations and promises
Flirtation, messages
Silence and warmth
Swimming, swimming
No fear, no doubt
Honor and obey
40. Three Lines of Truth
You want anything but me.
I have everything but you.
What a stupid game this is.
41. Mosaic
Sweet and sour
Bitter, salty
Each day tastes different
It was worth the risk of being wrong
for the small chance of being right.
I would take the risk again.
Tutti i giorni ti porto la luce
Per la vuota oscurità dentro di te
A darkness you prefer
To illumination
Fulmine
You lit up my heart
Lightning
Every cup of wine I’ve drunk is you
I only exist
as the manifestation you require
And you are only mine
Everything that occurred
before the point of encounter
is myth, not real
I learned a new language
I cannot speak when
You are mute
42. My Children
My children, you are grown
Save one, grandchild
You give me a new name
When I was young
I understood many things
Save one
Why couldn’t they stop this?
Yellow stars, the crystal night
the trains, the camps, the gas
Now I know
They did not know how
I see it coming
Brave New World
I am a participant
Using part of it
To type and post this poem
I would stop it if I could,
Grandchild
But I do not know how
I do not know how
43. Goldilocks
Ah, Goldilocks
You only really get to know yourself
Living in a small town
Not city, not country
Too busy, too busy
With people, with projects
Only in a small town
With its neighborhood gossip
And quiet mornings
Do you have time
To sit with yourself
And peel back all the lies
And even these are lies
These poems
These words
Because as much as I want to
Find and tell the truth
The masks are layered thick
And when I peel one back
There is another
But the other night
Before sleep came
I saw it
The truth
Buried deep, deep
Just right
I hit earth
Light
And the dark things were jealous
Jealous
And tried to make me a
Dark thing too
And because of my own innocence
And love
And desire to please… .
So you, Goldilocks
You rebellious little thief
I love your willingness
To try
To take what you find
Until you find
What is just right
44. The Wisdom of the Age
This is it—are you concerned?
I am wise now
Grandmother, abuela
I have lived
Taken my turn
On the treadmill of time
Learned my lessons
Paid my fare
And I am wise now
With answers I
Can’t remember, questions
I have no curiosity
To even ask
But I’ve seen behind the curtain
I know how to work the machine
When to pull the plug, cut ties
Burn bridges, start over
I know unplugged, off grid,
Unchained
Doesn’t equal freedom
But sunshine through an
Old foggy window
Van Morrison playing
Strong black coffee, fresh air
Good friendships,
Live music this evening
Go a long way toward
Peace
And finishing up this
Ride.
45. No Title
If given enough time
There comes a day
In everyone’s life
The mirror no longer reflects
Who you are
An old person will live in
The looking glass
With wrinkles and weakness
Just as once the mirror
Held a kid
Full of potential
If you get to that point
Where even your own reflection
Betrays you
The hardest test begins
Final exam
In this journey on the planet
Discovering
Who you are
Without even being you anymore
The face, the body
Gone
Even sometimes
The mind
Think about that a minute
Identity
With no face body mind
Who are you?
What is left?
Welcome
This is where it gets real
And maybe if
We learned the lessons
Along the way
We will know the answers
To pass this last and hardest test.
46. The Kiss
I can make myself
Come better than
You can
But I can’t kiss
Myself
That takes two
And only two
Duprass, twin, mirror
Counterpart
Other half
Whole
One kiss
One day
One
47. Chicken Running
Head cut off
Sky is falling
What big teeth you have!
Not I, said the goose
Not I, said the cow,
Not I, said the pig
I’ll do it myself
In the fox’s sack
With scissors
Needle and thread in
My apron pocket
Rocks for
My weight
Escape
From the fairy tale
Escape from the wolf
And the fox
And the hatchet
Eat bread, alone in silence
Bread I made
Glue my head back on
Hold up the sky
On these frail shoulders
48. Write, he said
Write, he said
Dig in—the inner earth
Find the treasures
Of this silent heart
That only reveal
Themselves in ink
Write, he said, dig in
So I fucked around
In there
Looking for something
Something that
Might work, might
Write, might read
Maybe not brilliant—
Maybe tarnished instantly
Upon exposure to air
But it exists now
Because I listened—
Not to him, no—
Because I hear my heart.
49. Folie à Deux
I can eat dinner alone
And go to bed alone
And watch the sunset with
The cat
I can wait
However long it takes
For you.
For you.
This shared madness
Folie à deux
That lives inside
You and me
Me and you
One unit, one
Energy interchange
Round and round
I will wait, alone for you
If that’s what you require right now
The only thing you let me do for you,
Wait
50. Retirement
What will I do
Without the wild love
That lived inside
For three years now
Can I reconstruct myself
In peace
Moment by moment
Day by dull day
I feel the thousand days that passed
In every joint
I am dull now too
Nothing bright or shiny
To say or show
To anyone else
So little gray dull me
In peace and solitude
You failed
You failed at love
No—no no no no
I did not fail at love
I loved with my whole heart
Being soul fiber essence
All
That love is out there in the world somewhere
Doing good
Like money spent
Circulating on the current
Hm.
I will have to think about that.
What will I do without
The wild love?
In peace and solitude
What I’ve always wanted to do.
Rest.
51. Salt
Today tasted different
Edible but bland
A recipe with no salt.
The missing ingredient
That enhances flavors
And nothing can replace it.
52. Things Hold Together
My dog is nine years old
My car is fifteen
And my house is eighty-five
I am fifty-three
We are all hanging in there
This Monday morning in
October
We are all in our October
Which is a pleasant
if misnamed month
But the sword of
Winter is always dangling
Overhead
We know it, we see it
We feel it
And there isn’t much to do
Except try to outlast each other
Accept this is how time works
There isn’t much we need to do
Except enjoy the cool sunshine
And the birds chirping
As if it is still spring
53. Diversification
I put all my eggs
In one basket
Beautiful eggs
All the beauty within me
Speckled and blue
And the one to whom
I gave my overflowing
Basket
Couldn’t handle all those
Damn eggs.
But that’s okay.
Not everyone likes
Eggs.
So I looked around
And found a few
Hungry folks
Who appreciate
The offering
Of an old hen’s
Beautiful eggs
And won’t
Let them go
To waste.
III. Divided by Temperature
John 3:19-20 "And this is the verdict, that the light came into the world, but people preferred darkness to light, because their works were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.”
54. The Soul to Save
Who are you?
Inside every human being
Good and evil reside
We all
Every one of us
Fall short of
The glory of God
But. But.
We can try
We are here to try.
To choose love
Over hate
We are required
To love justice,
Show mercy, walk humbly
Enjoy the work of our hands
Not be dependent on anybody
Make it your ambition
To lead a quiet life
We face a choice
One represents all
The darkness of the human heart
One does not
One is filled with vitriol and contempt
And sets in motion hatred for others
One is not, does not
Everyone who reads this—
We are all bathing in riches,
peace, and comfort
Never seen before
We live in the most
Peaceful and prosperous time
That has existed
In human history
A world in which
Our inner darkness
Is unleashed
Is dark indeed
And I will just say it—
Knowing this will
Touch a nerve
But maybe it should
Be touched,
Called out
Pornography corrupts
The human soul
The correlation of corruption
The number of porn users
And Trump followers is identical
We cannot continue
This foray into evil
This is not political
It is national, global
Spiritual warfare
I am not judging you
I have my own darkness
To fight
But we are all
Currently being
Being judged
And the verdict
Is already written
Who are you
Whose soul are you trying to save
55. I Shall Not Want
It is Sunday morning
A day of rest
And I am satisfied
There is not one thing
I want, or want to do
The key has been found
That unlocks all the
Secrets,
All the mysteries
Of life and the universe
This sacred key
To the code
I shall not want
Is not life more than food or drink
Or what should we wear
Seek ye first
God and His Kingdom
Or in other words
Love and its Way
And all these things
Shall be added unto you
We will be taken care of
Every need
Everything we need
To make it through
The day
Manna from heaven
Water from the Rock
Offer this life
As a living sacrifice
And find the Walk of Life
Like the Dire Straits song
Still is true
Will always be true
We are simply a song
Music and lyrics
Already written
Being played once more
A needle in wax
Sound organized through time
56. So Tutto
So tutto—I know everything
To my knowledge is a phrase
Italians use when they
don’t want to hear anymore
So tutto
I like it
I know everything
And nothing
A perfect balance
Of knowledge, education
And on this fulcrum
I can do my little tap dance
For everyone—or no one
The audience is
As irrelevant as the dance itself
I do know this
We have complicated everything
To the point where the truth
Is unrecognizable
Maybe not truth
Or even knowledge
But we have complicated our lives
Our selves with so much
Distraction and sensory overload
We won’t even look at ourselves
No matter how many selfies we post
And we ourselves have become unrecognizable
Even now, as I search
For the words to write
That are worth these moments
Of my day
This transaction of time
Diana Ross was singing to me
About being turned upside down
Now the music is off
And I hear the birds
Only birds
So tutto, so tutto
And there it is—
Turn everything off
Most importantly
The mind and its insatiable quest
For knowledge
You know everything already
Everything you need to know
57. Return to Innocence
We say simplicity
But the real quest
Is innocence
The garden before the fall
Restoration
How did I not see this before?
We don’t want to be
Reconciled to God
Dirty, but clean
Without sin, without shame
That is what we are
All constantly looking for
Whether we ever see
Or acknowledge it
We want our innocence
Restored
Once the world was set in motion
Not one of us
We all taste it as children
Sweet innocence
But it is quickly consumed
And then gone
We feed on sin, on shame
On lies and delusions
Gluttons for punishment
Lusting after life and pleasure
The forbidden fruit
We say we want a simple life
Peace and freedom
Freedom is a myth
A lie too
We are all prisoners
Of our own flesh
And minds
And at constant war
Within ourselves
Material desires—wine,
Sex, food, comfort
Of this creature we inhabit
We want a complicated life—
So busy we never stop,
We can’t stop
Our hearts beat, lungs breathe
Blood flows, constant motion
Even in rest.
So how can we get back,
Back to innocence
if the whole game is designed
To make it impossible?
Kobayashi Maru, Catch-22
There is no way out—
Only through
58. Pecan Leaves
I had one of the most beautiful experiences
A person can have today
October 28, 2024
I was lying in the hammock
After planting daffodils
Irises, and tulips
And the pecan tree
Did one of its shakes
And scattered golden leaves
All over me
If you’ve never heard a pecan tree
Doing its shedding
Don’t worry, I hadn’t either
Until quite recently
But now that I have
I tell you
No theater, city, election
Man, woman, or child
Will make me forget
The clicky-clacky sounds
And the gold falling
From above, shivering on the air.
59. Space
I am trying to survive
In the darkness of space
this space you need
Without air to breathe
Without your gravity
or light
Yes, this free floating
Into the endless void
Would be impossible
I would strangle from within
Asphyxiate
Except for one thing
I am made of stardust too
I am oxygen and carbon
Helium and hydrogen
With my own force of nature
To hold me in place
Guide my orbit
My own core burning
In plasma reaction
Fusion ignited
60. I love it here
I love it here
In this land
The Delta
I adore the people
Of the Delta
The best
But I have little to say
I came here
To leave the world behind
And I love that
You still care
About elections and earthquakes
Fires and floods
Art and culture
Food
What have I been up to?
I get asked by my friends
And I really don’t know
Except I spent time in the hammock
And listened to the birds
Considered whether I should
Destroy the toadstools
Or let them live
Walked the dog, checked my email
Bought groceries
Drank coffee
Go out to music, chat with people
Dance
That’s what I do.
Try to keep my dishes done
Bills paid, floors clean
Not hate anyone
Try to love
And live in peace
61. All Saints
I said, “I don’t want to be a poet.”
So he took the words away
And left me
In my blue chair, empty
“Come back,” I cried,
“Come back.”
But there was only silence
Silent space within
She will learn her lesson
This rebellious, stubborn child
If it takes her whole long life
If it takes her whole long death
So I am learning
Learning patience
The hardest lesson
Learning obedience, self-control
Strange concepts in this modern world
Of hedonism and doubt
Of fear and corruption
Learning it is still a world
Not made by men
Not made by me
62. Bluesberry Back Alley
I’m in the exact spot
I was three years ago
What did I learn
On this journey
So much
So much
But the main thing is
I am one tough cookie
No ditch for me
I can make it
Without falling in
I can make it
I made it
With lots of help
From friends
And protection
From the Lord
But also on my own
Getting out of bed
Every single day
That was me
I did that
And many days
It wasn’t easy
Thank God
For the music
Thank you, God
For the blues
63. Waiting
You know it is something, this world
Full of lies and liars, all the untruths
Obscuring our vision
Through this New Year fog of deception, corruption
I rode uphill to Monteverde where
I met my first ghost
Three years ago, three years
Just as I was told.
And now I wait, midnight approaching
Searching darkness for my next step
My next step on this path to nowhere
Wind blowing, no mist tonight
Waiting for spirits to appear
Empty of lies in this material world
64. I would keep you
I would keep you in wine and whiskey
A quiet rainy afternoon like now
Books and music and fire and smoke
Softness and peace, hard world far away
From this soft delta earth
Far away from my bed and body, and your heart
And my heart
Would beat in time
You would have peace if not understanding
And I would have peace
And our restless spirits would
Settle down under the quilt
Try to make sense of the words on the page
And the notes in the air
Sip the wine and whiskey
Taste the fire and smoke
Let the rain fall
Let the earth drink up all her rain
65. Oz
This is true
I’m lying in emerald green silk and satin
On soft sapphire blue sheets
Ruby slippers by the bedside
Ready to go, ready for anything
Cartier colors for a tutti frutti day
I am listening to the rain outside
With a good roof overhead
I am literate—I can read a book, write this
There is plenty of food and water and vodka and coffee
There is no lack here
World, therefore, do as you wish
Unleash the whirlwind
You disappoint me
But you often do
I will draw close to my source, protector, friend
And ride it out, this storm
Or let it take me home
66. From the Mountaintop
Steep and narrow
This path I climbed
That’s the way, I was told,
To righteousness
And apparently
That’s where I’m supposed to be heading
It ain’t easy
There are no good intentions
I gotta fit through
The eye of a needle
Thread my way
Carefully, carefully
Be tested at every turn
And twisted through trials
Stretched and scraped
To the very edges
Hollowed out
To become hallowed
I used up what was given me
And reached the end, the very
edges of who I am
I learned not to lie to myself anymore
Even while I lie in wait
Flat, parallel to the sky
Finding peace on this mountain
Doubting nothing doing nothing
My feet are tired
And I got nowhere I gotta hurry
Might as well take my time
This seems like as good a place as any
To rest
I see the hillsides I see the valleys
Here at Todi here at Nashville
One the same as the next
One day season year
same as the next
Nothing I gotta do, nowhere I gotta go
And all downhill from here
67. Sic Transit Gloria Mundi
Lipstick wears off
I too like shiny things
Slick marble,
Sparkling lights
But I can’t keep up with this world
I can get dressed up
And go out
Find the party
Life
But lipstick wears off after a while
A few drinks, a few kisses
Things don’t shine anymore
I don’t want to compete
For the glory of this world
Which passes away
I know the lipstick wears off
I know I too shall shall pass away
And whatever is left
Should be something besides
The print of my lipstick
68. For All the Things
For all the things
I did wrong
My stubbornness, rebellion, disobedience
I apologize
Although I am not sorry
The semantic difference is worth noting
I apologize if I hurt you
Hurt us
And perhaps I am full of sorrow
I don’t see how it could have
Been otherwise
If I’d had the strength to make another choice
I would have made it
I used what strength I had
All the way to its edges
There was no more
And so I did what I could do
I’m not sorry for that
When you love a wild thing
You must also love their wildness
Not expect them to become tame
I am a wild thing
Disobedient, rebellious
Stubborn
Can I be loved?
If not
At least I will be free
I know love
I know sacrifice
I sacrificed my wildness
For self-control
The best I could
If it wasn’t enough
It will never be enough
You were loved
You had this offering
You rejected on your own altar
69. Today’s Poem
I’m dressed like a hobo
In my blue chair
In my kitchen
In my adopted hometown
Music is playing, space heater is on
Dog by my side
I’m home
In fuzzy socks and slippers
Bathrobe, blanket on my lap
Stocking cap and sweater
Winter is setting in,
And I hate the cold
So I find ways to keep warm
No matter how unfashionable
Because here’s the thing
Why I picked up this pen
I’m gonna make it
I’m far too tough to be beaten
My only weakness is a cracked heart
Maybe a cracked head and broken heart
Internal deficiencies
But even those, even those won’t destroy
This bag lady in my kitchen
“My Way” started playing
I try to follow God’s path
Not cling to my own selfish way
But the idea of resilience
And Frankie’s voice
Still resonate
I chime the hour—
Time to move, to work,
To enter in
To the morass
To play my part in the
Spectacle of this day
But first, but first
Acknowledgment
Acknowledgment
Of all it takes
To keep it together
To keep moving, going, pressing on
To beat back despair
And cling to hope
To be a light in the darkness
To stand
On these two painful feet
Yes, restoration and resilience resonate
With regret
To chime the hour
A resounding chord
That animates
The flesh on my bones with Spirit, spark
Reverberates
Through the cold air
Reminds me
I am alive
70. Before Noon
This is the sacred time
Of each day
To listen, to hear
To feel
I feel the buzz
The hive
Our connected energy
God, I miss you
I feel like a snapped power line
In a storm
I wear myself out with work
Trying to forget you
But I never can and never will
We are inside each other, current
Looking for an escape
A redirection of energy
But the circuit was activated
And only one thing will suffice
Obedience, submission
Surrender
71. Love Words
There is a man I know
With curly hair and kind eyes
Who makes me laugh and
Takes me places I’ve never been
The slide along the strings
As he pulls notes from the guitar
Writes a new song into the world
That we both need to hear
The music penetrates all the locked
Places inside him, inside me
A key that fits
And releases all that is imprisoned
And one day, we both hope
To be free of the burdens we carry
To stand straight, our backs empty
Of any chains, of any circus
72. Gratitude Attitude
I don’t write things that rhyme
Not my style, why waste my time
Trying to incorporate some artifice
Into honest work that should suffice
Without the construct of matching sound
And hoping that this time around
The words will come in some rhythm
That make sense yet got a beat in em
But on this silly turkey day
While I whittle the hours away
Before joining the crowd at the table
I’ll piddle to find out if I’m able
To make sense of all the noise
The ploys, the toys, and the boys
On this device here in my hand
That’s taken over all the land
A phone, a phone my kingdom for a phone
We trade it all, blood, lust, and bone
For the chance of a connection
To another soul in any direction
But isn’t that why we’re here?
To find each other in the clear
Spirits only, minds connect
Without externalities that distract
I’m grateful for my morning texts
Even if I should not think of sex
Friends who say they love me still
As I love them, and always will
Thanksgiving is more than filling up
Our empty bellies and our cups
It is a shift in daily life
From the grinding and the strife
To recognize in word and deed
We have everything we need.
73. If Hope
If hope is the opposite of despair
And gratitude is the antidote
Gratitude produces hope?
We see the pattern of provision
We see we have no need to fear
We see there is every reason
To keep going, keep believing
No matter the black hole yawning adjacent
Ignore it
Despair is deep and grave,
That chasm within
But fuck it
Yes, fuck that
That’s what balance is for,
So we don’t fall in
Eyes forward, trust your feet.
74. Up! The New Day
Up! The new day
Come get it
Come tear into it
Meat and bone
Rip it apart
You lion
Devour to the gristle
This lovely new day,
Gazelle
She speeds away
With her brethren
Faster than you
Faster than you
So pounce
As you’re able
Pounce upon
This light foot moment
It is not death you’re hunting
75. Where the crazy people go
Where the crazy people go
When they sit and stare
Or close their eyes
Awake but not there
I go there now
I can tap in
To the universal consciousness
And find your thread
Filament wire
Your energy
And connect
And we are one
The buzzing, the warmth
Flowing in my body
Oh my love
This is what I came here for
To find you, feel this
And so maybe that’s where
all the crazy people go
To their inward connections
Lost in space
76. Madidi
This rainy December night
Some of my favorite
People in the world
Are at this bar
Madidi
Soul music is playing
And football is on
There is popcorn
And the Pointer Sisters
Everyone wants a little more
But overall we are content
Discussing which beer to drink
Watching the Bills lose
I’ve had one vodka soda
I’m ready to go have a cigarette
But for now I have to pause
And record this moment
We’ve filled up the bar,
This motley crew
Of drifters and dreamers
Musicians, writers, painters
Those who haven’t yet
Found in themselves
What must be created
We are all here
Holding down the bar
As the reflection of the game
Shines in its surface
77. Someone I Love
Someone I love
Lied to me, when the truth would have worked
Someone I love
Stole from me, when I would have given them
What they took
Someone I love
Left me, when I would have gladly let them go
Someone I love
Ghosted me, when we could have simply
Said goodbye
Someone I love
Forgot me, when it would have been nice
To be remembered
I love a lot of someones
In spite of everything
In spite of all the little things
That bring the thousand little cuts
This heart o’mine keeps loving
Long past common sense
I will continue believing
Love cannot be wasted
It cannot be misspent
All love is doing its work
“The only thing that counts
Is faith expressing itself in love.”
And I will keep on loving
All the someones who appear
Needing to be loved
Needing to be loved
I am not afraid of the pain it causes
I am not afraid of running out of love.
78. Solstice
Ah the mysteries of life
And I’m no sleuth
Cannot detect method, motive, opportunity
Cannot discern clues from red herrings
Suspects from victims
Witnesses from accomplices
Determine the culprit
Believe in justice
I putter about in this fog
And wait for better weather
When all shall be revealed
The sun returns
And the light uncovers all
The mysteries will fade into shadows
until even the shadows disappear
And there is no more missed, or mist.
79. He
He’s not in the stars
Or the sun or even
A He
He’s not in the planets
Although I sit
Beneath Jupiter
Right now
Somewhere in the desert
He’s not a fairy tale
Or a myth
Or a construct
Or an excuse
He’s not petty
Or vain or selfish
He’s not cruel
Or forgetful
Or dead
No, He is none of those things
He just is
Was and will be
Not limited by language
Our ability to understand
Or even believe
He is
Such simple words
Four little letters
He is
The great
I AM
We translate
Dissociate
Separate
This into third person
But we should not
Oneness is the key
Hear O Israel
The Lord is One
He is
The great
I am
And we are all
Part, image-bearers
Whether or not
We see.
80. Until You Realize
Until you realize
Nothing
And I mean
Nothing
Else matters
But Love
Love
True, deep, pure
Eternal
You will always be
A little lost
A little bit
Off the path
Twisting your ankle
On loose rocks
Getting dried leaves
Stuck to your socks
81. Left on Read
December 27, 2024
Afternoon in Arizona
There is a text tone
Called simply “note”
I know
it’s just this other lady’s phone going off
But I
Like Pavlov’s dog
Slobber
Upon hearing it
Here in the chair
Getting my toes done
Listening to Christmas carols
And my parents squabble
Without heat
I feel you
Though no more
Messages
Are for me
The little tone
Chimes
And I remember.
Once home
I sit outside
Under a bright blue desert sky
No clouds
The sun hits
The ruby throat of the
Perched hummingbird
Which glows
Like fire
Like the jewel it is named for
Red
And I feel
Not only you
Not only you,
But everything
All of it
All that ever was, is,
Or will be
In perfect stillness
Balance
Peace
One note, one
Message, only one
Read
The story is written.
82. End of the Year
I am no one
In particular
Of no consequence
In this world
A divorced woman in her fifties
With few assets
And no job
Yet here I am
Feeling I have mastered
The game
I have found contentment
And peace, and love
Not like in fairy tales
Or romantic comedies
Simply a complete circuit
Generating light